Brain ahh-ing

Okay so last week was quite a week. Actually it was probably one of those weeks that I’ll look back on and think ‘How did I get through that week without hurting myself or damaging something? Damn.

The week started with a redefining of the future for two people. I happen to be one of those people. For a long time now (since last summer I’d say) we’ve spent a considerable amount of time together. As with time things change. Our relationship followed this course. For a great length of time we were there for each other as a shoulder to lean on and an friendly face to rant our worries and annoyances to. Things seemed pretty simple and very innocent. Ahh.

As I stated above this changed. How, when, why? I’m afraid that’s not for anyone to know. The fact is, something did change. We stopped talking about relationship problems and stopped venting about frustrations and listened to each others opinions on world issues, life hopes, and personal choices. It was fantastic. Since there was no fear in the air of ‘will this become something’ we shared openly and often. Again… Ahh. Life was good.

I’m condensing so much. Hrmm. This could be a much greater and much longer post, but I feel like I should get to last week so I’m running through the lead up. Bad me, bad brain juices.

Okay… so this past December I went through one of the most challenging things in my life. Which, interestingly enough, had little to so with anything I even did. Lucky me. = O Upon my return from the UK I had a talk with this someone about the future and where I saw myself and where I saw her. Time became the focal point for me. Six months, a year, more, less? I didn’t know. I did know that I was still pretty screwy because of what I’d been going through over the past 8ish months. She had gone through something similiar, of course I knew this because we were able to be so candid so many months prior. Yea. A bright spot. Two people looking at the same page. Neat.

Over the next many weeks (leading up to last week) we hung out with my roomie and alone watching various movies and just hanging out. The trouble with this kind of thing is that sometimes your mind and heart don’t communicate very well. Often they leave the phone off the hook. It can be very frustrating because you think you know what’s going on. You really think you know. Then, WHAM, something hits you out of nowhere and you’re left wondering ‘wtf mate?!’ as you stumble to a chair to sit on.

Last week (yea, I made it) this amazingly lady, to whom I’m referring, and I talked about the future. It wasn’t easy at all. AT ALL. For most of the week we didn’t seem to know what to say to each other for fear of saying something upsetting. Our roads aren’t exactly going the same way, but we’ve met for some chance and I don’t know how to say I’m happier than a pig in mud.

Of course… We’re not in happy happy gaga mode. No no no no no. It’s more of a, we now see eye to eye where before things were a little bit skewed. Remember that phone being off the hook. Yea. Seems like that happened at some point. Damnnit damnnit damnnit.

(thought) Wow, this is pretty long. Ha.(end thought)

There’s been a long silence in my pages which ends here. I’ve spoken many things to many people over the past week which have opened more problems for me. But I think it was worth it. Why? Of course you have to ask why. Because problems are most often followed by solutions when the desire is there.

I’m very lucky to have certain people in my life. I referenced them in my last post, and I’ll give them a nod again. Mudda, Avenga, Short-Lil-Blonde, Emma – thank you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

03-16-2004 03:01 pm

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *