Lately, these past couple days, I have not felt much on the scale of emotions. My buttons are pushed so quickly I nearly feel myself ready to explode. It happens when people talk to me, when I’m browsing the web and the kittens walk on the keyboard or refuse to move from my face when I’m trying to write or stare at the screen.
I’m in a state of WTF indeed. emma asked if I feel numb this evening. The answer is less than simple. Yes. No. At times It’s nothing with a simmer of sadness. Few times have I felt happy, chipper or a combination of happy chipper. I urgently dislike my newly acquired lack of and extreme positioned emotions. RAAAH!
Flailing. Hmm, I wonder what images come up on google with this term… 2950 images for “flailing”. Right. So the one image that actually fits the term isn’t available. Why I’m not surprised that after browsing through 31 pages of pix I couldn’t find one to use? Because I’m in numb-ville aka it-figures-ville or go-figure-ville.
A focus is missing. Seeing as I’m not involved in or waiting on any shows I do believe my desire to perform is confused and lacks focus. Due to this focus for my classes has slipped down a notch. The idea of looking at lines almost repulses me. Even if I already know the lines!
Today in class I blanked on lines I memorized last weekend. It was like watching Elmer Fud on stage. I fell over the lines like I’d only just thought of them. I felt embarrassed to be on stage in front of anyone. It even felt as though I was wasting their time. I wasn’t but it sure did feel that way.
FUD. It’s a method used by companies to screw with competing products. Meaning? FUD – Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt. I’m living my own FUD. I don’t need anyone else to try to bring me down. I’m doing it myself! Whooohoo! it’s 23:27 and I’m done.