Septembet 1997 – Vent

The question of the moment is… What does one do when one is apathetic towards a language?

That is my question 4 the eve?  What is 1 2 do? hmmmmm… Im lying down now. well kinda. im leaning/lying on the new chair thing a-ma-bob I have. I feel as if the progress I’m making in school had helped me to establish many things:

  1. Connecticut kicks ass!
  2. I like America a little bit. (now im beginning to exagerate)
  3. I like teaching, but not the same thing 60 times. (im NOT exagerating at all)
  4. It really is true. AET’s really do NOT need to learn how 2 speak Japanese. : (    Its too ez 2 find someone that speaks English.  The first graders have an incredible vocabulary!  They totally understand my intro. speech.
  5. I hate feeling like a helpless/hapless person. I’m capable of doing LOTS but it seems/feels like it’s near impossible to do things being mute in this language. : |
  6. I’m going through the emtional roller coaster. While I was looking at the CT book with a teacher today I felt tears beginning to build!!! Not the right place for that to go into full bloom…
  7. The picture book I’ve made is fun to look at but is getting more difficult to look at every day.  Same goes for the CT book.
  8. This is going on and on huh.
  9. I am truely an american. i totally no that i am an american. psycologically, socially, personally, etc… totally noticing it now. Interesting stuff to notice about oneself.
  10. My typing has gotten really good I’m not looking as i type this… a bonus to add to the list.
  11. I think life in 50 years will b alot easier for ppl. in JPN to speak with ppl in the english speaking world because of this JET thing.  The Japanese GVT. really came up with a good idea when they started this thing 11 years ago.

………………ok enough of that……………

U probably think I want to come home after reading that stuff. Well it is a thought that enters my mind now and then…. BUT I no that this emotional stuff will pass — soon I hope. The same goes for the apathy thing. I’m going to continue studying, BUT I no that less will stick into my head with my emotions the way they are now. What does one do? How does 1 step outside of present lifestyle into their familiar lifestyle? Should 1 do such a thing? ….

I’m speaking more Japanese but I’m really not to hip on the social scene right now… : (   The volley ball thing is cool — the ppl that play every wed. have told me to come back in their best -broken- ENGLISH!!  C what i mean. I dont need 2 learn it, and I don’t no where 2 start because of it. : |   I’m going to keep going and I’m going to keep listening to the t.v. at night and I’m going to keep studying, BUT I need something to happen to show me that im learning the language, like the Katakan and Hiragana stuff.

I do find that I’m understanding more, but I can’t respond. It like I’m a radio WITHOUT speakers. Kinda an interesting thing huh. I want SPEAKERS!!! I must sound like I’m whining. I may sound like im venting. I may sound like m just emptying my head. Hell I’m doing all the above!!!

Im hurtin.  I can’t give in though. I HAVE TO BE STRONG — kaz just called — Let me get back into my train. It was going due south, pun? maybe. I no I’m going 2 pull out of this but I wish I could c a sign that the lift line is/will be pulling me up slowly….thatd b nice.

I’m wanting to release this stuff inside of me asap!! But — I just thought of something. The gym — I cant go to the gym because I haven’t ben shown HOW to use the weights!!! rrrrrrrrrrggg ggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!  HOY VE can it get any better, Yes. I just realized the books I took out from the libray were due on the 3rd, its the 4th right now – in the eve. opps-e.

I’m tired — mentally, physically and emotionally. Its almost 9pm here. I have to finish something 4 tomorrow. sooo ill send this then maybe I’ll type more after that. thank u for listening. Wanna reply or ask about this?

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