So High, So Low

Ever have the feeling that you’ve got a handle on things and then… Whooop! There it goes. Yea? You too? Suckith only begins to describe it.

I just watched an episode of Oz earlier tonight titled “Great Men” and now feel a great swell of emptiness within me. I can even give this emptiness a complete thought – “What’s the point?” I know! I know that’s a defeatist question, but I’m feeling that right now so suck it up. I’m going to feel what ever the hell I want to feel so… so there. NYAH! = P

Heh, that was kinda fun.

My point is this… The narration discusses various “Great Men” in history and reflects on how they’ve changed lives of men and women they never would have even dreamed about. Imagine reaching someone 1000 years into the future. It is an amazing though, and it could have someone saying “I want that to be me!” Honestly, I’m not. I’m just wondering will it even matter in 10 years? Yea yea yea, I know, again with the defeatist thoughts. Friggin sue me. Oh wait, you can’t this is my site and I own these thoughts.

I guess I’m feeling jealous, upset, happy, confused, irritated, irrational, gleeful, washed up, etc. Then I look at the object of my hobby – the always changing tech. In a year or two everything we use will most likely be junk. Garbage. Walk all over it and spit on it junk. “What’s the point?”

UGH! What the hell, why am I feeling like this?! I guess I just need to meet some new people? Will that help? I du-no. This is just one of those prissy ass moments where I feel the need to ëtype about my awful life’ and how it can beat me up at moments. HAAAAAA! Awful! Ha! Riiiiight. (This is sarcasm folks) I just happened to be in front of my PC. Lucky PC gets to feel the rage within me. (I just made myself laugh with that sentence.) The RAGE within me! HA! That’s funny. Rage. HAHAHA!

No I think I know why I feel this way – jealousy, fear, & frustration. I know what they mean to me and how they affect me. That’s really all that matters. Care to know more… I probably won’t tell ya. But you can ask allllll you like. Ah, journals can be fun. SUCKERS!

05-19-2004 12:07 am

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