Last night I had a dream. I found myself in a place called cyber land. Er… I found myself on a road in the dark with no lights on save for my car. Fortunately the other cars that were going along beside me had their lights on too. After some time the cars trickled off until I was alone on the road.

I saw a small light, white, not red like it should have been. And only one light, not two. I slowed down but continued. “What the…?” A bicycle? Zoom - right past the two wheeler. “Well that was odd.” A short time later another one. This time I kept my speed up. Then, another, and another.

I began swerving around to avoid them because there were so many until… a screech… Next thing I know I’m stopped. Outside my car I see hundreds of people on bikes swarming like bees. Many of which were yelling at me. I felt completely confused. Almost as though my body had it in for me right before I was about to make a decision - continue driving or get out - I woke up.

Full of images and open to interpretation. Personally, I think I’m too far gone to even begin figuring out what any of it “means”. I’ll just keep “rolling with the homies” until I stop having these normal dreams. = )

06-03-2004 03:37 pm

I’ve posted a new poll which actually bears significance to something I’ll do with my life. Please take a second or 3 to vote. You’ll find the poll on the right below the pix. Graci.
more…

Well the morning “fun” appeared to disappear after some time. The “fun” did continue before it faded with an email and internal shite. Damn internal shite. “Things get harder before they get easier.” Blah, blah, blah. Yea, yea, yea.

So the morning riled me up some and happily dissipated during the rest of the day which brought me to happy places. I felt light on my feet… er, I felt okay. It was nice. Late in the afternoon I found my RotK DVD waiting for me so I smiled a gleeful smile and gallivanted to the gym. This is where life decided to remind me of what a Mobius Strip is. Thanks life, I’m well aware of what it is thanks. Note to life: The reminder was unnecessary.

The morning struck again. Quit. That was in my head more times than I’d like to admit. “Just come up with an excuse Gar. Just find something else to do…” UGH! Another one of those days where I couldn’t get my mind and body to work together. I really need to get focused again. I’m losing it and I’m affecting other people which I feel awful about. The problem remains… I hurt and there is little I can do about it.

Sure, I can go the easy route - “Ah fuk it! This is stupid, ya know what F.U.!” Because as everyone knows, that is 100% me.

I can go the self doubt road - “What have I done? What did I do? I should have done this, or that, or the other thing.” Nope, not going there either because I’m confident in myself and have no regret for my past.

Or I can go the OTHER emotional path - Sitting at home weeping and wallowing in my pain. God, that sounds pathetic to me.

I feel - of this I am happy. I don’t feel good all the time - of this I’m kinda enh. I feel pain inside me - of this I, oddly enough, smile at, yet sink into myself at the same time.

Okay enough purging…

Politics remind me of professional sport teams. How? Say you have Team Blue with 11 players - 3 of which are ultra famous. On Team Rocket is 11 players with 2 ultra famous people. For some STRAAAANGE reason the owners decide to screw with the league and swap the rosters at the end of the season. “WHAT THE FAH!” everyone gasps.

Training begins and the teams get ready for the season. The press, will of course, make their comments about the swap until the season starts. A week or so into the season the ’swap talk’ dies down and everyone is back to routing for their team — Team Blue or Team Rocket.

It doesn’t matter WHO is on the team - the TEAM is who everyone cheers for. It doesn’t matter who is on the field. All that matter is “MY TEAM” is out there. But is this right? What if “MY TEAM” isn’t doing what they always do? Say their going against a principal that they always stood behind - ex: kids day. Normally Team Blue had kids day, now Team Rocket does.

All the fans for Team Blue will miss it for a while, then get used to the way things are with the players from Team Rocket. While the other fans get to experience kids day.

The same thing happens with politics. Reps and Dems aren’t always standing behind their Team’s plan. Sometimes they’re with the other team… Yet all the while there are die hards that will support a Team regardless of what they do.

Say one of the parties stands behind, uh, free book day. Okay, now that has been in effect for a long time now, but suddenly, the man in charge of the said Team decides he/she wants to change free book day into free sci-fi book day… all other books cost money. “That’s okay, it’s still free book day and I stand behind my Team.” WHAT?! That’s not what it’s about. It’s supposed to be free BOOK day - any book.

Yes this is abstract, it’s supposed to be. I’m not telling my full opinions here. Heh, yea right. If a Team stands for something and defends a topic or choice, the Team should stand behind the decision. Or, they should switch Teams. This goes for Dems and Reps.

Phew, THAT was a rant. Out.

06-03-2004 12:22 am