350 Word Writing Exercise

I’m not a writer and I do not pretend to be one. Not on T.V., not on stage – well, maybe on stage, but for certain, in my day-to-day, I am not a writer. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Am I? I lean toward — nay. Do I like words? (sing it) “Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both…” Yes. I enjoy words. Spoken, written, hidden. They’re fun, curious, and unique. Dadada Skipping ahead…

Last week a group of friends got together to… Well, create. An artistic gathering. Our numbers were low but we made due. One thing we did was not my normal cup of tea cocoa. Using 350 words (I hit 360) write a short story beginning with the phrase: “Before all else, let me make my confession…”

I don’t know why I wrote what I did, but it felt like someone needed to be reprimanded. Sure. Why not. Love it? Hate it? Apathetic about it? I enjoyed writing. It was fun. My opinion of the piece, it doesn’t really matter. It as a fun exercise. And so, about 30 minutes and 360 words later I had this. (Poof)


Before all else, let me make my confession to every single one of you self righteous dingle berries. From the beginning each of you tried to befriend me. You attempted in every way possible to slip through the crowd in the blink of an eye into my life.

Something I could have told each of you, and planned to might I add, if an ounce of selflessness was revealed in, oh, say, at least one breath of your mundane, convoluted lives, was that I planned to take each of you with me.

Oh, you’re surprised? Really. Let me explain then.

When I started this gig I was advised by the ‘board’ to watch my back and to cover my tracks. Some might be dumbstruck by such a warning on their first day. Me? No. This didn’t shock me. To be honest it made my day better.

I watched as each of you tried desperately to win my love. Enough already. You failed. I’m sorry I should be more sensitive. You not only failed at winning my love you cast aside the future. Didn’t you see what was happening?

Every opportunity to advance you dropped the ball. Did you all truly believe that I wanted to see you lose faith over the menial troubles I put on the table? People. Let’s look at this with open eyes please.

Let’s review the calendar shall we? I brought in some experts to cultivate creativity. Sure their ideas were a bit destructive but what doesn’t kill mankind makes it stronger. A few people may disappear or die but the race will thrive.

The plagues (HIV. Cancer.), the quote, un-quote flood(s), and all every other catastrophe were meant to help humankind. Instead of worshiping me, try this, look at the problem and figure out how to address it. There may not be an answer, but you’ll learn something in the mean time and that may prove to be more important than the end result.

Oh, one last thing. Please, don’t call, write, or anything else. I have so many of your hopes and dreams in my trash that I could wallpaper the rest of history.


1 Comment

  1. How do people put together such great blogs! 🙂 Nice work man. I found you on google when I was actually looking for my weight loss blog! 🙂

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