I’m just that. A fraggin car wreck.
Recently I’ve managed to upset/anger/diappoint IL’s, co-workers, okusan, and myself. It’s been wonderful. Truly. Yes. Close the sarcasm tag at any point self. Please.
I’ve been associated with an act I avoid at all costs at work – using vulgar and offensive language to describe people/events.
I failed, without even actively trying, at a family event by not adhering to a particular (proper) protocol.
Nearly anything I do that is thought to be sweet or cute, unintentionally, puts me on the defensive.
I can’t find a reimbursement check I received recently. Where could I have put it?!
I’m a ball of nerves. AHHHHHHHHHH! What the hell is going on?!
I enjoy being happy. I enjoy being sad. But I can’t even find an emotion right now. I’m staring at the screen and all I can feel is the tension in my tongue. I consciously relax it and then realize moments later that the tension is back. It’s been there all day and my head and back have suffered for it. Sigh.
Now, tonight, I’m going to a gala where I’ll be dressed to the 9’s and I’m not excited at all. And I want to be. It’s going to be a great time. Instead I’m purging, through a drip process, pent up… S@#tuff. I want to have fun. I do. I just fraggin finished my MFA. 5 years worth of experience and learning and I cap it off with 2-3 weeks of disappointment and screw ups. Not on stage or in class. No, no, no, no, no. The drama in my life and work managed to completely erase (oh, I felt something stir inside) the excitement I have felt building up for weeks, months. Yea I think that’s pretty close to the mark.
So sad. I’ve accomplished so much and all I feel are the weights of work and life. Everything else doesn’t even register on the radar. So sad. It’s about time to go and I’m not dressed yet. Yea…