February 2002 – 02/15/2002

The big ‘W’

farce – (www.m-w.com) — 4 a : ridiculous or empty show

Yes, the term/word ‘What-ever’ is on my mind. Why? Well, I’ve come to the conclusion I am a farce when the topic is that of relationships. How so? Well, well, well, isn’t that an interesting question. I’ve realized 2 way roads last probably as long as Windows OS. There are rare instances, but in general, Windows OS is a nearly the perfect comparison. I’m far from perfect, do this isn’t a preaching session. FAR FROM IT. I just know that I need to ‘not care’ because when I do I get to that second stage ‘anger’ – I don’t like that stage. Denial is pretty simple to cope with. But the anger thing. BLEH.

Now I’ve learned that absolute disclosure of all information can be extremely dangerous and possibly very final. With that understanding I decree – "I ain’t changin that philosophy boy-o." How about partial truths Gar? Quite effective for the good and bad. Ever try to pull a surprise on someone? Partial truths work quite well. Sometimes flat out lying is required. Huh, I’ve gone from ‘whatever’ to ‘truth vs. lie’ Heh, neat. As I was blabbing aloud. Each lie/truth/partial lie or partial truth is more situations that one might ever think.

Where are the lines though? I’ll tell you, from my POV, when someone DIRECTLY related to a circumstance is affected by influence (internal or external) the persons DIRECTLY related to the issue need to know something whether it be partial or complete truth. Sure it could fuc someone up for a little while, but it is needed. Imagine finding out one week after the fact only to have someone say, ‘well, i wanted to tell you but i thought you might be upset.’ FUC’n tell me so I CAN CHOSE whether or not to be upset thanks. Let me be my judge, jury, and executioner.

Rant rant rant. Blah blah blah. Yadda yadda yadda. The last series was the most difficult to type if you were wondering. So, I’ll end this purging with one last spew wrapping up why I am a farce when the topic comes to relationships. I keep hidden (emotionally) for too long and I reveal myself at the wrong time/too late (emotionally). I have managed to complete this cycle multiple times so I’m sure of it. It’s not that I’ve seen it happen once and said "EUREKA I’ve got it!" – Some other guy said that first. = )

Seriously, I’m a techy, I look for patterns and this is one. What am I going to do about it? Hmm, goo question to ponder. I think it’s time to reassess my actions when it comes to dating/relationships/Y chromosomes in general. Should I flirt more? Should I reveal sooner? Should I use the 6 day rule from "Swingers"? Ah the questions that race through my mind. Okay, enough brain spewing. Besides, typing the word ‘spew’ is getting to me. Ekkkk. Off to the movies I go – A Beautiful Mind – A Beautiful Mind it is…<- meaning -> out

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