I've Always Wanted One

Okay, okay, okay. I was about to write an entry about the good things. I figure… After the recent venting session I needed to ground myself back to 0. And so here, HAHAHA!, is my release.

this is an audio post - click to play

Yea, my car was effed up. Yup.

My HDD crashed. Sigh.

My laptop is still – this is a quote from Apple’s page – “In_transit To Store”. Pathetic.

So I’ve been less than thrilled with a few work things – aka WebBoard (primarily).

Happily… No.

I have some intensely monumental events happening at this time in my wee-days. My best friend’s book is selling nicely and is waiting on an offer that no plan could have foreseen. Classes have, wow, they have lifted my spirits higher than I thought possible. Primarily “Breaking the Code” (Code? “the text of the play”). Ahh. Streetcar Named Desire has kept me afloat. Something in these past 2 years has shown me the insights of the human mind and day to day actions. I know why people do things. I’m able to see through their words and it’s scary. The scariest thing is I don’t know why or how I developed this… Skill? Ability? Etc. But, I do know it has taught me so much about character. I’m acting like I’ve never acted before. I feel intentions within driving home my every word even though I’m reading the lines. It’s intense. After I finish I feel like Fenti looks when he’s complemented. )blush(

And then there’s emma. Ha. Mamma-mia. I began writing a post that still needs some attention

Here is a post I began writing back in July. Titled “The Long Forgotten Post”

the night before (my bday) with emma. totoro.
the night watching fox and the hound.
the bday eve with alice and emma in the car
the overall goodness that’s been happening in ny with emma an i. alice and eric. slc.

It was a draft in the truest sense of the word but I knew what I wanted to say. I described it as “gushing” when asked what I wanted to purge into journal form. I never finished it. Well, maybe it needed a certain catalyst. And so here I am.

Those nights drafted above were incredible. Together we shared Totoro, and Fox and the Hound. Whenever a hound dog is spoken out loud the clear sound of a wailing puppy hound dog is now heard. I love that film so much. I relate to Tod (the fox) so much and yet I see how I fit into Copper’s world now as well. Things change in so many ways and there are things that bind. Sometimes those bindings are stretched too far and no longer hold. It has happened in the past and happens in the now.

She knew how difficult this bday was going for me and did so much to swing the pendulum the opposite way. Totoro… LOL. We both fell asleep. She kicked a few times and woke me from a near sleep. It was wonderful. Peaceful. Calm. Together.

The day of my bday many of my friends were kind enough to remember. An event that happened often this year were specifically early (9/12) and late (7/14) congratulatory happy bday. I was, how to say, lost for an explanation. The eve of my bday (7/13) a co-worker/friend (and her beau) of emma’s, and alice came over to play board games with cookies, milk, pita, humus, etc. It was a fun night. Though, the best part happened when Alice, emma, and I hung out in her lil car chatting away like bees around a hive. We just couldn’t put a cork on the eve. It kicked the dingo’s, the were-rabbit’s, and the split soup’s behind! Ahh. Wonderful memories. itsumo arigato emma-san. )laces(

And so things have been on the up-swing. 11o1 has taken a role in both our lives without consuming our free time. Friends have been more apt to visit or schedule visits. Classes are hum-dingin. Life. Simply. Is good astounding. Last night I showed emma something I’d written way back in November of ’04. After she read it we talked for a good two hours on a topic we’d only hinted at in many previous conversations. Another step has been taken. Alice recently said she likes seeing people couples after some time has passed because she’s able to see how things have changed in their relationship. Well Alice – I see you! – you’ve got something new to see. Nyahhhhh. = D

Wrapping up my humdrum book of a post. It’s such a plain world we all live in. Especially once you know the rules of the game. It’s really very simple. I wonder why we all make it out to be so much more than what things really are… Hmm. With that, time to rehearse, read, then say oyasumi to a comatose emma. 5AM is not her normal waking hour and 945PM is not her normal bedtime hour. But it is tonight.

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