January 1998 – email3

Well………. this just happens to be yet another quite emotional thing….. Readers beware! This is uncensored!

From: Gary Ploski
1/18/98 17:39
Subject: its now 5:30 and i have felt the same thing for about
To: April Harvey

ohhh lets say 4 hours. The reason… I woke up about 4 hours ago. The symptom…I’m alone. My god-damn stomach won’t leave me alone babe! I look fwd to the upcoming week ONLY because it’ll mean that I’ll be around people and I’ll be busy. Hun — I’m sorry to keep doing this to you for the past two days. I know that this isn’t makeing it easier, but I want to make sure I keep my end of our bargain. I’m going to tell you how I feel even if it means letting it out everyday. Hun, I have never felt this kind of pain. I can handle physical pain, but this pain — it’s not the type of pain that you can get used to. It’s not the kind that slowly goes away. I hope that it suppresses so I can live this life and take more of it (JPN’s lifestyle/society/culture/etc) back with me.
        I hope you slept well. I slept in the exact same position all night, lying on my back with bunny on my chest. Like when you lie down on my chest. I kept my arm around bunny just like I do to you. It felt good for a second, but then reality hit me. It was only a stuffed animal. I’m guessing that things have been busy for you. I’m happy for you, I know that’s the only way to get through the day without feeling this pain for great lengths. I want to …. well, I wanna hold your hand and look into your eyes. That’s all. I’d feel really happy if I could do that. Well I’m gonna shave and then leave the apartment for the first time…I’ve been in here all weekend. Cleaning, ironing, etc..the place looks great. yeah (said like I care lots, right — a little sarcasm there huh)  : \ Chat with you in a little while. hope things are goin’ nicely nicely. imu. ciao cito

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