June 1998 – email4

From: Gary Ploski
6/8/98  
Subject: hello me, meet the real me.
To: me

        my icy fingers claw your back… here I come agaaaaaaaaain. Only a few of you will understand that. Fun stuff huh. Had to do it cause I can and also because well, nantonaku. Even less of you will understand that one… hehehe.

        I’ve been looking at myself recently. As of today it doesn’t seem to hold true, but it had for a while before that – so, I’ll elaborate. I found myself, to put it bluntly, withdrawn. That’s right, I was hiding from the outside world that surrounds me. Why? A thought I dwelt on numerous times. Of course I thought of things and thought I figured it out, but to no avail. The answer seems to be…. time.

        What was I doing? I was trying to avoid people on the streets when I was going somewhere. I would go to and leave from my destinations as fast as possible. I didn’t feel like studying Japanese anymore (making class an interesting time). I wanted to leave for my next life back in the states. I wanted to hang out and just chat with people about nothing so that I might be able to elaborate on a thought beyond the context of “fine thank you, and you?” I wanted to be able to understand what was happening alllll around me in everyway shape and form. I wanted to cap off some stuff that I’ve been waiting to complete. Lots of stuff huh. Well, that’s pretty much sitll with me, though I’m feeling much better.

        I’ve been at my 3rd school for a full week now and the atmosphere is sinking in. THANK WHATEVER BEING YOU LOOK TO!!! YIPPIIEE!! I have no idea how it happens, nor do I have ANY idea why it happens. BUT, it happens. I wonder if someone is reading this and has been plotting out my homesickness/moods/etc. for a use somwhere. Hmmm, how’s this help? Things is…. well, gewddddd — now.

        Strange as it is, I thought about this stuff while it was toward it’s end. It began last week, though today I write about it — when I feel I’m through it. Weird. I have no answers, but I’ve got lots of questions. I feel as if I’ve gone through a mood overhaul. Today at school was great, iaido was cool (a bit slow, but it can’t be great alll the time). I’m into the language again, trying out new methods of study. It’s allll good — for now.

        I near the 6 week stretch. As of this Thursday(6/11), I will be at the 6 week mark. That means I’ve got stufffff to do, and with my back holding in alllllll the stress from the past few weeks, it should be interesting. My back is REDICULOUSLY KNOTTED!!! MAD TENSION!!! CRAZY MAD TENSION. I no like cause it hurts. Oh well, such is the way. It’ll be interesting to go through all the stuff I’ve bought while here in JPN; as well as look at all the stuff I’ve done along the way. “We live in interesting times.”

        I’ve found that I’ve gone through this stuff numerous times since I arrived here. Whether it be homesickness or something else I don’t know. I just know how it feels. It’s something that has been happening to me and I believe it to have happened to many other people, though I can not speak for them. What is to happen next? I don’t know. Can it get anyworse, of course it can; though I think it to have reached it’s low point already. My back has never felt this bad, and the best part is that it feels like it’s getting better. YEAH!!!! I don’t hurt when I sit anymore! “Boooyaahhh!!” to quote Venom. : )

        I think things are only gonna get better, a true feeling within me at the moment. When I look at my schedule for the upcoming month and a half, I see good things and more good things. I’m pretty excited about that time AND the time afterword. Upon completion I’ll get to see my fam and friends again. How cool! with all that said, I leave you with a wotd of advise from the Tick — “Spoooooon!” ciao cito

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