Scars in the Light

Just a few more days until I can read the display on my cell phone again! Sigh. Hey hey Koi! Hey hey! I dropped it on my way to class last Thursday. I didn’t even nail the monologue. It was a very difficult day. To say I wasn’t ‘mentally focused’ requires a roflmao – it was a PHEW kinda day. The PHEW was said at 5pm. That’s all anyone is gettin’ outta me. You can torture me if ya like but that’s it!

As it is… time came to pass; keeping hidden within what was (un)known? Jaws, the famous film/book, has proven to us that scars are cool. Cool enough to build a scene around how uber cool scars really are. Of course the stories behind the scars make the impact, but the scars are cool nonetheless. The scene has been parodied by multiple movies. Scars. We love em. They’re sexy. They’re interesting. We’re curious about their history.

Scars.

In a strange twist of life, it always has a strange twist it seems, external scars are cool and the internal scars… WHOA! Don’t even go there. "She’s a little.. Ya know." or "He’s been acting strange lately. We’re not sure why. He’ll be okay." or "He’s full of baggage. I wouldn’t even go near him." Etc. etc. etc. It goes on and on and on. Mental scars, what’s the big deal? Aren’t they similar? Aren’t we all experiencing the same shite that our ancestors experienced with new toys? Broken hearts, lost loved ones, stress… That’s a new one right? = P Ha. Stress has probably been around longer than anything else.

I digress.

A good friend of mine is in the hospital presently. She is allowed visitors for ONE HOUR A DAY! Oh, and two ONE HOUR BLOCKS on the weekends! Hell, I’d go stir crazy. I get that way in my apartment when there isn’t anything happening. Honestly I think the diagnosis is wrong which is keeping them from truly getting over their ailment. Sadly I have no impact on the situation. All I can do is be there for them.

While visiting them, BT, Emma, and I, found their company in great spirits. They were silly and fun – like normal. Surprisingly to us they pointed out new physical scars while trying to also speak about the mental scars. Humor finds its way into conversation during these times. We’re (people) just not very good at seriousness. Even during the most serious conversation we’ll throw in a lil joke here or a silly comment there to ease off of the gas – juuuuust in case. Just in case what I don’t know, but just in case.

Scars. Our pains. The stuff that we love to read about, watch, listen to at high volumes. Hot DAMN we love other people’s pain… Just as long as it doesn’t affect your life. If that’s the case – "Back the truck up Charlie. We don’t want non-a-that around here."

I guess I wonder how many of us are truly willing to subject ourselves to our inner most fears and then, here’s the kick in the ass with a U-Haul, share it with someone else. BOOM! Yea, that was the U-Haul kicking your ass. It’s effin scary! BUT WHY!? We all have problems. It’s more than a white lie to say "um, I guess." Actually it’s a crock-o-shite. Some of us have pains that go back to our childhood still because we never really worked our way through it, talked about it, etc. Something along the line of mental healing.

Lately I’ve been backed against the wall whenever I tried to write. I know why now. It’s not because I’m happy. It’s not because things are going well with my friends. The fact of the matter is I’m not hiding anything within my bag-o-flesh. I got it all out. ALL of it. I feel so free because of it too. Any stress I have at the moment is work related so it will remain at work.

Hmm. Well, my Alien family (living in a can of Moon Dust) and I have heard the calling so I’m going to listen. Tempur time!

12-22-2004 12:41 am

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