11/12, 11/13, & 11/14 impacted me in ways I didn’t expect.
On the 12th I experienced passion where I hadn’t thought it likely.
On the 13th I felt uncomfort and fear (within my dreams related to the earlier uncomfort).
On the 14th I vocalized my thoughts even though it made sense to stay silent.
Hot Damn! What a wild ride!
After talking with Alice and telling her about my views on death I couldn’t resort to my earlier habits and stay quiet. What’s the point of living within a lie? Ha! What’s even worse is living within a truth (in silence). It’s so easy to do. That’s the most frustrating thing! We all do it too. We want to say something because we KNOW “it” for a fact but we’re too afraid to speak our mind or take action.
Eff that me! Eff that indEEd! Since I accepted that, lol this is going to seem completely ungrounded with no explanation to qualify it, I’m comfortable with death I’ve been feeling, seeing, living life more than ever before. Were I to be told that I’d die tomorrow I wouldn’t feel a sense of fear regarding my life choices. My confidence in my decision making is beyond what I could have ever predicted. I need to elaborate on this later.
Okay. My point. Focus. Focus.
I think I know something but I’m not exactly sure so I want to test myself by posting it in a hidden entry. Ah. Oki-doke. Time for bed in a few minutes – once the back-up of the gallery-o-pix is finished. Ahh…
11-17-2004 12:22 am