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Why Dating Actors is a Bad Idea

Posted on 10. Dec, 2009 by Gary Ploski in Acting, Blog

Very few things make Gary angry. You wouldn’t like it when Gary angry. Gary… SMASH! Hulk Gary’s friend and teach’d SMASH! Dr. Alex Benzer… come close to get Gary to SMASH! GRAAAH!

On Novermber 12, 2009 Herr (it’s such a fun word… Herrrrrr) Doctor published a story on the Huffington Post titled “9 Reasons Why Dating Actors is a Bad Idea.” There are approximately 20 comments. Support for his article, is hidden among the wreckage of a 20 car pile up. When you miss the target… People will tell you.

They told him.

Source article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/9-reasons-why-you-dont-wa_b_352603.html

Dr. Alex Benzer writes:

Now I’ve been living in Los Angeles for some years, and for better or for worse have gone out with enough actresses to know what it’s really like.  So if you’re seeking a fulfilling relationship, here I present to you why dating an actor is a Bad Idea.  My experience is with the females, but the generalizations below being of the vast variety, they apply regardless of gender:

The first problem I had was, well, besides the entire article, was that the “generalizations” “apply regardless of gender.”

What?!</dr.who> David Tennant’s Dr. Who that is. So sad, he’s leaving the TARDIS soon… YIPES! I’m on a tangent. Must jump off…

Annnd… I’m back. He then goes on to list the 9 reasons why dating actors is a bad idea. My wife and I were astounded. (Yes, I said wife.) Why? He missed some of the ACTUAL reasons why dating actors might be a bad idea. It always depends on what you’re willing to “deal with” in your life.

I had a thought, I wondered what my friends would say if they were asked:

What occupation do you think makes someone bad or difficult to date/marry?

Here are their replies I received via my Facebook Profile and my Facebook Fan Page:

• ER doctor
• Police Officer
• Dean of Students
• Rockstar
• Mother/bearer of children
• Priest
• Slaughter house worker
• Gigolo
• Film industry employee
• Undertaker
• CIA agent
• Septic worker
• Porn Star
• Lawyer
• Residence Life Staff (typically an academic position)
• Surgeons
• Traveling jobs (sales, support, etc.)

Some really great examples of, possibly, difficult people to date/marry.

The best example, I believe I believe I believe (Sorry! Gah, I was listening to Spring Awakening before I went to bed last night) was this one…

• Anyone who is a workaholic

A’duh. Thank you Karen Z. C.

If I could insert a beat or a dramatic pause for affect… I would. In fact, I would probably insert about 5 to 10 dramatic beats. I’d have to stop there because people would probably leave thinking I’d finished the blog – but I haven’t! Oh nooo.

Dr. Alex Benzer… Money?! Emergency state of life?! Funny schedules?!

Let’s talk a moment doctor; well, I’ll talk, you’re more a name and a picture on Huff Post… When I worked at the US Post Office sorting mail into PO Boxes I had a normal schedule… I was at work by 5am and made enough to get by. I wasn’t very happy.

When I worked at Chili’s I made pretty decent money but had my schedule change, practially, on a weekly basis. Continuing the trend of unhappy.

At Bell Atlantic Mobile, now Verizon Wireless, it was, the best of both worlds, in your opinion Herr Doctor. I had a set schedule and made pretty good money. I was also, you guessed it – unhappy. In other words, I needed to find something more fulfilling.

My present job is not that of a full time actor. Though acting is a large part of my life. I have a regular schedule, I make decent money, and I’m very happy. Everything is perfect right?

Wrong!

There are reasons why it is not a good idea to date actors though. You came close with one but there are others. Let’s jump into the pool, hold your breath now. One… Two… Threeeeeeee!

1. Intimate physical interaction with another actor – This is probably the hardest thing for any most couples. It can be a very sore topic and cause a great deal of stress on both partners. The actor wants to succeed. The partner wants to be supportive. Emotions can get in the way and that’s okay. It takes times and it takes risk on both parties to be open with each other. A difficult challenge is determining ‘what’ is intimate. It is interpretive. Think about pain. Does a cut or a bruise give you the same amount of pain that it gives someone else?
2. Schedules can seem chaotic – If someone is a working professional they may have a more regular schedule. Like many jobs there are extra duties and expectations. The actor may need to be out of the house every night until 1 am because of tech rehearsal or a film shoot. It may go on longer. But is it temporary. This type of experience is brief. A colleague once told me about his girlfriend’s experience with the bar exam – “I keep telling myself it’s the situation, not the person.” The same holds true here.
3. Their friends are drama queens – This is a placeholder topic that just riled up the acting crowd. This is not an actual point. Friends are friends. No matter where you work there will be eccentric and quiet people. Nothing to see here. Move along.

The point of the last bullet is that every job is like every other job. The hours, the money, the people, none of it is perfect. This is a GOOD thing. We are challenged to overcome obstacles! This will make us better XYZ people. Who doesn’t want to be a better XYZ!? I know I want to be a better XYZ.

Acting is not easy. Because of the celebrity world the working, or struggling, actor is put into a box based on what the media tells us about famous actors lives. Herr Doctor, I urge you to revisit your position, your post, and to consider the jobs noted above. There are many couples, married and not, going about their day to day and night to night with an actor in the family – happily. There may even be two, or more in the family. The community is quiet supportive. =D

Actors, those in a relationship with actors… What did I miss? What actually makes it difficult to date actors?

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Gary Ploski is an actor, blogger, and instructional technologist living and working in the CT and NY area.

Related posts:

1. Why Do Actors Act?
2. Are Actors Good Liars?
3. Act(ing) Your Age or the Part
4. I’m Interested in Acting but Where Do I Start?
5. Shake the Tree and See What Falls

Tags: Acting, Community Theatre, dating, featured, feedback, Huffington Post, opinion, theatre